After 4 long years of university and still no degree I decided to give up the ghost and not go back for what would be my 5th year of 6 to complete my degree this September. Good god woman, what were you trying to be, a rocket scientist I hear you saying. Nope just getting my B.A. But while taking 21 credits a year of real courses not just flakey psychology and native studies (no offense but it's only a GPA booster), courses that required the reading of 3 500 page books a week (no joke) PER CLASS (times 4 classes, you do the math) I was also working part/full time as I felt I could manage.
Well I couldn't manage... at the end of year 3 there were signs of disillusionment with university but I shrugged them off because we decided to go planting that summer and my soul and heart were filled with the excitement and planning for our new adventure.
Planting changed my life. No. Planting saved my life...period, I would be the living dead right now like so many of the people I know "working jobs they hate to buy shit they don't need" (to quote my favorite author) So year 4 in university was hell. My disillusionment grew and I became more withdrawn from my elite honours courses where partipation was 20% of the final grade, the other 2 40%'s coming from 2 epic essays...no pressure right?
I first went to university because I wanted to learn, I wanted to grow who I was as a person. I didn't go to get a job, university was not a means to an end for me so I did fantastically and had a 3.65 GPA despite the fact that I carried a fat F on my transcript for staying in (!) and then failing (!) my Math in Art course (more on that in abit). I got awesome grades because the work wasnt work, it was fun, I was present and engaged in the topics. Nearing the end of my 4th year I couldnt even get out of bed to go to my classes let alone read the assigned readings and contribute to 3 hour group discussions. My heart wasnt in it. I saw the university as a leviathan churning out clones, making no attempt to squash the old boys club and silencing professors who refused to tow the line (namely my mentor and friend Prof Neal), all the things I thought I was supposed to rise up against.
Humourously in this debacle, I had decided to retake my Math in Art course to get a better grade to boost my GPA (the F still appears on the transcript but the better grade is used to calculate GPA). The class I failed miserably in my first year was the only class I went all the way to university to attend, even if I had another class after if I would go home. I sat right up front, I asked questions, I brown-nosed and answered questions, I saw the profs after class , diligently and lovingly completed every assignment and even studied for the exam (I'm not a studier, I'm a pay attention the first time and remember it kinda person). I loved the class the second time around. It was team taught by a sweet and silly (for a math prof) east indian man and a gregarious, loud and hands on woman art prof. The first time around it was the same loveable math prof but paired with a know-it-all architechture loving jackass of an art prof who didnt really teach but rather showed us slides of famous buildings. I got a B the second time around, my best math grade EVER! I'm happy with a 50% or whatever the passing minimum is in math that's how terrible I am at it.
*big sigh* So....now I am not in university, I have to start paying back my student loan (admittedly that was the only thing keeping me in university was not wanting to pay off my student loans right away). I am happier than I have been in along time and I am working on living an authentic life, one more like the life we live when we are planting. Everyday in the bush is invigorating. It nurtures your soul to do the physically hardwork our bodies were made for. City life is kind of like the matrix, fakeness everywhere, flabby people sickened by a toxic society. There is no fakeness in a planting camp, everyone has crap in their eyes and shit in their teeth, you quickly move past these things to what life is really about. And sometimes that is as simple as doing nothing and smiling contentedly at all the slim dirty faces around....
TREEPLANTING SAVED MY LIFE. It gave me the courage to live the life I want despite the fact that it may not be right for most of the people I know and I'm ok with that.
Oh wife, well said. The only life worth living is your own (profound I know). Let's keep moving forward, but doing it at our own pace. Who cares if we are living a different life most people, right? What we do, we do for us! That said 5 more months until season 3 kicks off, and we should be looking at other companies soon and getting our names in to get our spot. you should think about running away with me, to a destination that would bring great pleasure...(like africa *wink *wink *nudge *nudge). I heart you, and you're amazing!
Posted by: Larry Jamieson (husband) | November 28, 2008 at 03:53 AM